french flags outside a building

French Etiquette 101

When I first moved to France, many things surprised me initially. Most were pleasant — you mean I can order a 2€ coffee and sit at the same table undisturbed for hours on end? I can go grocery shopping without having to inspect every ingredient list? I can take a leisurely, 1-hour lunch break, and that’s the norm?

Then, there were things I wasn’t expecting, and most of those are wrapped up in the world of French Etiquette. It’s its own cultural code, and coming from the US, some of these social rules might surprise you, like they surprised me.

Where Americans value friendliness (real or not), casual conversation, and a general “easygoing” type of vibe, the French prefer formality, precision, and specific boundaries when it comes to social situations. As an American married to a French person, I’ll let you imagine just how many awkward moments I’ve found myself in over the years.

Some parts of French etiquette I really love and respect, and I look forward to raising my future children with many of its values. On the other hand, some others that make you feel like you’re living in a world since long passed — and I’m happy to blame my I’m-a-foreigner naïveté when I choose not to participate in them.

Understanding these differences can help you avoid awkward moments and start off on the right foot. I knew nothing before moving to France — allow me to help you not make the same mistakes I did.

Start Every Conversation with Bonjour

One way to be perceived as the rude American is to walk into a shop without saying bonjour as soon as you enter. The same goes for passing a neighbor in the hallway or just starting a conversation with someone. You should always begin with a bonjour during the day, or a bonsoir in the evening. 

Skipping this can come across as very abrupt and yes, rude. Even a quick trip to the bakery starts with bonjour, madame/monsieur — and only after saying that should you place your order.

The fact that this is not the norm in the US always shocks my French husband — he would never dream of entering a public place without a greeting. 

Use Formal Titles First

This is something else that doesn’t always occur in the States. Americans like to be on a “first-name basis” right away, but in France, it’s the opposite: formality is the default.

Always address new acquaintances (if they’re significantly older than you), shopkeepers, and service providers/professionals as madame or monsieur until they tell you otherwise. In my experience, even most French people find this to be a bit old-fashioned, and they will often tell you to call them by their first name after the first drop of a formal title. But it’s not considered polite to jump in without a little formality first.

The same goes for written communication. Whether it’s an email or a letter, begin formally and wait for cues before moving into a more casual tone.

It’s Vous until They Say So

One of the biggest differences between French and English is the whole tu vs. vous discussion. Tu is the informal you, while vous is the formal version, which shows respect. Unless you’re speaking to a child, someone your own age, or a person you know very well, always start with vous.

Switching to tu too soon can seem overfamiliar or even disrespectful, especially for the older generation. Let the French person make the first move if they decide they want to “tutoyer” instead of “vous voyez.”

This is something my French family doesn’t really hold me to — I do try my best to vous voyez everyone until they tell me otherwise, but often I don’t know what form is the correct one to use. 

The general rule is: if you don’t know them or they’re older than you, it’s always vous. I usually just follow my husband’s lead. I have been on the receiving end of some strange looks when I tutoyer right away without really thinking about it. But, it’s often followed up by a comment like, “Oh, I forgot in English you don’t have the same rules,” and I’m forgiven.

But, when in doubt? Vous voyez is the move.

Mind Your Table Manners

French dining culture is another world all its own. If you’re invited to a meal, here are some basics I would keep in mind:

  • Never show up right on time to a dinner party. 5-15 minutes late is expected.
  • Never start eating until everyone is served and the host says bon appétit.
  • Always trinquer (cheers) with everyone present before taking a sip of your drink.
  • Need a refill? Serve everyone else first.
  • Use your utensils for everything; eating with your hands (even pizza or fruit) is considered rude.
  • When it comes to digging into the cheese plate, follow the host’s lead. Or do what I do and just ask someone else to cut it for you because it’s too much pressure.
  • Don’t clear away any dishes until everyone is done eating.
  • Offer to help clean up.

Don’t Overshare

Something I discovered early on in France is that personal information is revealed slowly, over time. Asking too many questions about someone’s job, salary, or family life too early in a conversation can feel invasive to the French.

Small talk isn’t the same as it is in the US either. The French don’t tend to chat casually with strangers at the grocery store or on public transportation. Once you build a relationship, yes, conversations can go very deep — often much deeper than what I’ve experienced in the States — but until then, privacy is important.

My husband and I talk about this all the time. Say you’re out at a bar and you meet an American. Suddenly, you’re their “new best friend,” and “OMG, we definitely need to hang out, I love you so much!” But, will you ever see that person again? Probably not, they were just being friendly, fake or not. Any information they may have shared was likely very surface-level and a whole lot of fluff.

Conversely, making casual friends with a French person is much more difficult, and they would never consider a person they just met their best friend or someone they love. But, once you do start getting to know them, you’ll be able to rely on them, and when they say we, “definitely need to hang out,” they’ll actually mean it. Then they’ll tell you their whole life story over coffee at 10am with a side of existential conversation to boot.

The Art of La Bise

Saying goodbye (and hello) in France is its own mini-ceremony. Whether you’re leaving a dinner party or wrapping up a business meeting, it’s important to properly acknowledge everyone in the room.

In informal settings this almost always includes la bise — the French cheek kiss — though the exact number of kisses can vary by region (it’s usually two, but more in the south). It never, ever, ever, includes a hug unless you’re with family or very close friends… and even then, most French people do prefer la bise.

Of course this tradition was put into the spotlight during the pandemic and the years following. In my friend group, we were all not-so-secretly really happy to ditch la bise. But, in my opinion, it is officially back, and skipping it would be considered rude. Alas, I’ve had to suck it up and start kissing cheeks again when entering and leaving a room.

All of this said, French etiquette isn’t designed to be frustrating, cold, or annoying — it’s simply more structured than what we’re used to in the US. There are more rules, and where American culture values friendliness, French culture values politesse (politeness) and respect for social boundaries.

As we always say here at TAIP, if you approach your interactions with curiosity, most people will appreciate your effort, even if you don’t get every single rule right the first time.

And when in doubt, you can always blame your I’m-a-foreigner naïveté like I do.

Photo by Sébastien Bloesch on Unsplash

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mini eiffel tower on stone wall

A Page from 29 Days to France: Getting the Essentials Sorted

For those of us who have moved to France, we know there’s a moment that comes right after the dream becomes reality — when the plan lands, your feet finally hit French soil, and you realize… Okay, now what?

It’s where the idea of moving to France meets with the very real logistics of actually living in a foreign country. It’s also where a lot of people tend to freeze, and then the panic sets in. What comes first? What needs to be done? What’s “normal” in France compared to what you’re used to back home?

When we wrote 29 Days to France, we wanted to walk people through not just the big picture of immigration paperwork or visa timelines (which are also included, fear not😉), but also the smaller minutiae of getting settled into your new French life. Details like getting a cell phone. Setting up electricity. Opening a bank account.

Are they glamorous tasks? No. But they’re the foundation of pretty much everything else. So today, I wanted to share one full day from the book to give any of you preparing for a move to France a sneak peek at what’s inside. 

Day 13: Getting the Essentials Sorted

Congratulations, you’ve officially arrived in France! You’ve most likely spent the first few days soaking it all in: your new neighborhood, the sound of chattering French, and the smell of buttery croissants in the air. Now that you’ve touched ground and are ready to start your new French life, you need to take care of a few essentials.

What are the essentials? Your cell plan (and new French number), your electricity and gas (handled by the national carrier, EDF), and your French bank account (which will provide you with a debit card). This won’t be the most exciting part of getting settled, but it’s necessary.

Cell Phone Carrier

There are several French cell phone carriers to choose from, including Orange, SFR, Bouygues, and Free. If you’re coming from the United States, you’re in for a pleasant surprise. Cell phone plans in France are much less expensive. I personally have Free and I pay around 20 € per month for unlimited texts and calls within Europe, unlimited internet access, and 30 days of free calls and 25 GB of internet within the US, among other locations. You can sign up for most cell phone plans online, but you can also go to a store and practice your French, if you’d like.

Electricity & Gas

EDF, which stands for Electricité de France, is the leading supplier of electricity in the country. It is majority-owned by the state, which keeps prices affordable. You’ll want to set up your home’s electricity and gas directly with them.

Your landlord most likely will not arrange this for you, so you’ll have to make a few phone calls. Alternatively, you can sign up online, but you need to get used to making these kinds of calls in French so I suggest that you get all of the practice you can! Once you have your French cell phone sorted you can call EDF at 3004. Make sure you have your address on hand.

This is the single most important and reliable proof of residence in France: the attestation that you pay for electricity.

Bank Account

There are also several different French banks to choose from. I have Crédit Agricole and I am really happy with them. They are a smaller bank and I find that the fees are reasonable. To choose for yourself, you’ll need to think about your personal needs. Do you want a larger bank? One that’s foreigner-friendly? Or maybe a small, local bank?

If you want a bank with a reputation of friendliness to foreigners, go for BNP Paribas. Its headquarters are in Paris and it’s the largest bank in France. It’s also among the largest banks in Europe. BNP is used to working with foreigners and I know that they have several representatives who speak English well.

Exercise: Be aware of your needs and do your research, especially when it comes to what you’re looking for in a cell phone and bank account. Practice (write it down if you need to!) what you’ll need to say in French before you call EDF or head to the bank.

Questions to answer: What do I need in a cell phone plan? What do I need in a bank account?

Why This Page Matters

I chose to share this page because it’s such a real moment in the move-to-France journey — one that not many people online talk about. No matter what kind of visa you’re on, no matter your job, family status, or even the city where you live, everyone has to navigate these basics.

And if you’re feeling intimidated by the idea of making a phone call in French, or choosing between a dozen different banks, or not knowing whether you need to bring ID to the phone store (you do) — that’s normal!

The entire goal behind 29 Days to France is to make this process feel less overwhelming and more doable. Not perfect, and not even necessarily easy, but possible. One small, essential step at a time.

If you liked this little excerpt, the full book features 28 other mini-guides just like this one. Each is focused on a task, a mindset shift, or a key moment in the move-to-France journey.

As a special treat for our American in Paris readers, you can purchase the 29 Days to France ebook for just $10 with the coupon code TAIP. We wrote this book with all of you in mind, and hope you enjoy reading it as much as we did writing it 🙂

Photo by Kristina Tochilko on Unsplash

Did you enjoy this article? TAIP is 100% reader-supported through tipping. If you want to leave us a tip of any amount it would be highly appreciated.  These tips help support our efforts to keep TAIP an ad-free environment. Just like at a cafe, the tips are split evenly among the team.

Keys to Long Term Survival (and Success) as an Immigrant in France (and Anywhere)

It’s hard to believe that more than a decade of my life has been tied up with France now, and as a two-time immigrant, once to America in my childhood and now to France in my adulthood, there are keys to surviving and succeeding in any immigration process. While mastery of all these keys still won’t guarantee you will feel entirely settled or “at home” in your country of choice, mastery of only 1 or 2 of them signals a countdown to your eventual leaving.

Language

This was less obvious for me on entering the United States as a nine year-old, as I was an English speaker from birth in Singapore. Many are surprised to find out that the US has no official language, but of course, English is the language spoken by the majority of the population. What’s been interesting living in Paris for most of my time in France is the inevitable progress of English in every part of French society, even, to the chagrin of the Académie Française, some years ago, the introduction of English onto official identity cards. But the French are still going to speak French, and if you really want to be part of this country, you’re going to need to learn it.

I’ve spoken in the past about my use of Alliance Française (reasonably priced) and the big leap forward I took at Alpine French School. I couldn’t have known it then, but had I taken the route of so many other English-speakers and stayed in a bubble, I could have permanently stunted my French. There are many, many people (I’ve met them) who have lived in France for 20 years and don’t even have A2 French. Their life is really one of exile, in which they live in a foreign land they happen to love, surrounded by fellow foreigners. Sometimes they colonize entire regions of France, like the Dordogne (which, for history buffs, is connected to land that Henry II of England held, so maybe they are finally just coming home 🙂 ). It’s their life. There is no “right” way to immigrate, as long as you follow the laws of the country in which you are a guest. If people want to retire to the French countryside and never speak French, so be it. But if you really want to be part of France and live with the French, not just among them, get yourself to at least B1.

Friends

The easiest way you are going to make progress in French is to have French friends. We’ve talked about Meetup and other platforms you can use to meet the natives, and you can use whatever techniques you’d like to improve. In my own experience, my French friends are eager to practice their English with a native speaker, so rather than make them my language instructors, I opted for language exchange meetups, in which I would speak French and be corrected by French speakers, and then they would speak English and I would correct them. Once you’ve gotten better here, you can engage in conversations with your French friends and only deal with (usually helpful) corrections every now and then in your conversations.

What the French are conveying to you when you interact with them in their language is who they are and how they were formed. It doesn’t mean that you will like those traits or wish to emulate them (I’ve said numerous times that I will never assimilate to the national sport of complaining, though I now understand the fundamental need for it within current French society) but without being aware of what makes France itself, you’re missing a jewel that is on offer to every immigrant: the chance to reflect on a given way of life and how you might adapt to what best suits you.

Bureaucracy

If you think that dealing with bureaucracy is something reserved for immigrants, you’re wrong. The French have to deal with it too, and they can tell you some horror stories of their own. Even after you get a 10-year card or citizenship, you’re still going to have to deal with bureaucracy. But as long as you understand, as I learned only two years into my journey, that documentation and checklists are at the heart of French bureaucracy, you’ll stop your fear and loathing and just start getting your dossiers together properly and start approaching your appointments with confidence. As for outcomes, well, that’s another story. 🙂

Income

If you are retired and/or have independent means, this doesn’t apply to you, though you should always be consulting with accountants to make sure you’re optimizing your tax strategy. For the rest of us, it’s important to earn money to fund our lives in our new country. While you’re free to work remotely in France, it’s not in and of itself a path to citizenship, and even if you do open your own freelance business in France via Profession Liberale, you’ll need to make at least three times the SMIC for the last couple years before you apply for citizenship. “Economic fragility” is something the French state is concerned about, so as long as you have some way to make the minimum your visa requires, you’ll be able to stay, indefinitely.

Living Situation

I’ve definitely moved my fair share in France, and I have been most content during my time in the 2nd arrondissement and out in Moret-sur-Loing. This does not mean, at all, that I did not enjoy the other places I lived. It just highlights that part of being settled in any country is making sure you really love where you are living. That will usually be more difficult in the earlier years, as not only have you probably just gotten the only accommodations you could find, but you are still learning France and what works for you. I still remember my first visit to Marseille with a friend from Southern California whose mind was spinning while down there about perhaps leaving Paris and coming down to the sunny, olive-oil-and-tomatoes part of France. I’ve been so blessed to have traveled through much of France during my time here, and Paris (and its environs) were the right choice for me, for many reasons.

Final Thoughts

In my earlier years when I was more plugged into the English expat community in France, I was more aware of people who would come and go. “I’m in France forever,” a 22-year-old English student would share breathlessly over apero, only to leave six months later, homesick. “I want to make France my home,” said the San Francisco transplant who gave up a year later when things were just “too hard.” To those who have tried and gone back, I say bravo, for you at least have had the courage to chase your dreams. Finding out that it’s not for you, or that you’re not built to be an immigrant, is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a victory: more knowledge about yourself.

For the rest of you, wondering if you have what it takes, just look at the keys I’ve mentioned above and ask yourself how well-progressed you are in them and how much effort you’re willing to put in to progress in them. What you answer indicates what your future in France may be.

Photo is from the Cremerie on Rue du Nil, one of my favorite food streets in the city.

Did you enjoy this article? TAIP is 100% reader-supported through tipping. If you want to leave us a tip of any amount it would be highly appreciated. These tips help support our efforts to keep TAIP an ad-free environment. Just as at a cafe, the tips are split evenly among the team.

people waving french flags outside the louvre

Can I Move to France Without a Job?

With so many articles on visas, which one to choose, how to apply, how to renew, etc., we often get asked: but, can I move to France without a job?

The short answer is, no, you don’t need a job to move to France, but you do need to prove you can support yourself.

Good news for those who dream of moving here but assume that without a job offer, it’s impossible. While some visas do require employers’ sponsorship, there are many other paths for those without traditional employment.

Even more good news for retirees, freelancers, or someone with independent income.

Let’s dive into the key things to consider when moving to France without a job offer.

Do You Need a Job to Move to France?

Now that you know you don’t, it’s important to note that you must show the French authorities that you have some sort of financial stability before even stepping foot across the border. It makes sense: it may be a socialist country, but les français want reassurance that you won’t become a strain on the state when living here.

In fact, France’s immigration prioritizes financial stability more and more, whether through savings, passive income, or self-employment. If you can meet the financial and legal requirements, you can move to France without an employer sponsoring your stay.

Now, of course, some visa categories (such as employer-sponsored ones) do require a job offer. However, there are several other options available for those willing to plan ahead.

Visa Options for Moving to France Without a Job

1. Visitor Visa (Visa de Long Séjour – Visiteur)

Best for: Retirees, remote workers, individuals with passive income.

Requirements:

Key Consideration: This visa does not allow you to work in France, so you must have enough savings or remote income from outside the country. Contrary to popular belief, as an American, you can work remotely for a US employer while in France on the visitor visa 🙂

2. Profession Libérale Visa (Self-Employed Visa)

Best for: Freelancers, consultants, and business owners.

Requirements:

  • A detailed business plan demonstrating financial viability.
  • Proof of professional activity (e.g., contracts, invoices, website, portfolio).
  • Registration with URSSAF (the French social security system for self-employed workers).

Key Consideration: You must show that your business can generate enough income to support yourself over time, especially if you hope to renew and eventually apply for naturalization.

3. Student Visa

Best for: Those looking to study in France while exploring long-term residency options, those without access to a large amount of financial support and who are willing to go back to school, or folks who simply want to learn French in France.

Requirements:

Key Perk: This visa allows part-time work as well (up to 964 hours per year, around 20 hours per week), making it easier to support yourself while living in France.

4. Talent Passport (Passeport Talent)

Best for: Entrepreneurs, artists, researchers, and highly skilled professionals.

Requirements:

  • Proof of expertise or a recognized contribution in your field.
  • Financial stability and a viable business or research project.

Key Consideration: This visa is more selective — perhaps one of the most selective — but if you can land it, it offers one of the stronger paths to long-term residency and eventually citizenship.

How to Support Yourself in France Without a Job

While the cost of living in France is much lower than in the US, if you plan to move here without employment you’ll still need a reliable source of income — yes, in order to get your visa, but also to find a place to live and support yourself throughout your stay. You can’t forget about all of the travel and exploring you’ll want to do when you get here too.

If you plan to move to France without employment, here are some options that come to mind as well as the visas to go with them:

  • Savings: Many who aren’t too fussed about obtaining nationality one day choose the visitor visa, and a chunky savings account is the easiest way to prove financial means. Be prepared to share bank statements at your visa application appointment if you do go this route.
  • Freelancing or remote work: Consider finding a remote job in the US that is willing to allow you to live in France. Then, have your employer write a letter indicating you will not be working with French clients. Or, apply for the profession libérale visa if you’d prefer to have French and European clients.
  • Start a business: One of the more expensive and complicated ways to move to France. That said, if you have an entrepreneurial mindset you could come up with a plan to build a business in France and come over under the passeport talent.
  • Part-time work: Remember that student visa holders can work up to 20 hours per week, which can help supplement savings or support from family.

Whatever direction you choose, planning ahead is key. Again, you will be required to prove your financial situation at your visa interview, but beyond that, you want to be able to enjoy your séjour en France without having to stress about cash.

And if you need help coming up with a plan, please get in touch!

Photo by Alice Triquet on Unsplash

Did you enjoy this article? TAIP is 100% reader-supported through tipping. If you want to leave us a tip of any amount it would be highly appreciated. These tips help support our efforts to keep TAIP an ad-free environment. Just as at a cafe, the tips are split evenly among the team.

french outdoor market

Living in France on a Budget

Note from the editor: Writer Susan Jordan is an American who has been living on her own in Europe since she left the US in 2012. She has lived in France since 2019 and is currently working on her 10-year card application. As a lawyer in the US, she was accustomed to dealing with government bureaucracies and paperwork, but getting accurate information in a foreign country can be overwhelming. She has survived so far and now shares her knowledge with the hopes of helping others. — MS

Where to Live

Americans moving to France, if they are in a position to pay cash, ideally should buy a home here. Since that is not an option for me, I have lived in four French rental apartments in four different departments. I’ve heard that buying a home is much easier than renting, which would not be surprising given my experience.

As a “candidate” for an apartment, one must submit a dossier before viewing a potential rental. This will usually include a document showing monthly income paid in France, three utility bills for the past three months showing a French address, tax returns, an employment contract, and identification (a passport will do). A family guarantor (and resident of France) would be helpful. Sometimes commercial guarantors are acceptable. Of course, buying a home requires substantial paperwork, too, but if you are a cash buyer with sufficient proof of income, the path to moving in should be easier. 

How to Get Around

If you are comfortable with public transportation, living without a car in France is possible. Choosing a city with tram systems is best as many areas of France are quite car-dependent. Bus lines vary a great deal in scope and reliability depending on the commercial operator. French trains have increased their fares since the pandemic and service on some lines has even been dropped. For that reason, I like ride-sharing, otherwise known as covoiturage. 

For intercity travel, blablacar works well if you are selective about the drivers you choose, following reviews and ratings carefully. Flexibility in terms of travel dates and destinations also is helpful when using blablacar. I have known some French people who simply rent a vehicle when they need to travel as a family. This eliminates some bureaucracy involved with car ownership, insurance coverage, as well as the necessity of finding parking near one’s home. Why pay to maintain a deteriorating asset like a car when it can be rented as needed? 

What to Eat and Drink

Food and drink are often less expensive and of higher quality than what is available at the typical US supermarket. Even villages in France have weekly or bi-weekly marchés offering fresh fruit and vegetables in the center of town. Large chain supermarkets like Lidl, Aldi, Leclerc, and Intermarche are usually located on the outer rims of cities, requiring a bus for access. Lidl and Aldi are the best bets for low-priced but generally good-quality products. Sometimes small appliances and clothing can be found at Lidl and Aldi if you don’t mind some searching. 

How and Where to Shop

For furniture and other items for the home, Ikea and other home decor stores can be found on the outskirts of most cities. Brocantes (secondhand shops) and some marchés have less expensive secondhand furniture, with more style options and better quality. Or, if your French is sufficient, you can deal with individuals selling on sites like leboncoin.com but be careful that whatever you buy is actually functional. I prefer payment on delivery rather than ahead of delivery, which can be risky. 

This brings me to one basic French shop with which I have had good consumer experiences. Monoprix has frequent sales beyond the normal  January and June sales and, for my money, the best customer service.  Returning products is just not a common function of most French stores. However, if you show a sales slip (and one time it worked for me without one),  Monoprix will give a cash return within 30 days. Leclerc may give store credit within two weeks with a receipt but this is not a consistent practice across all Leclerc stores. They operate individually, despite the common ownership, so items must be returned only to the store where purchased. The concept of easy cash returns, so familiar to American consumers, has not crossed the Atlantic! 

Living in France on Minimum Wage

Although it’s no doubt more fun and less stressful to live in France with loads of disposable income, it is possible to live on SMIC (salaire minimum de croissance). At the time of writing, SMIC is 1500 euros per month, subject to change when the French budget is passed. If you are of a certain age, discounts can be found for train travel (30%) but not the cinema, oddly. If you have a carte vitale and are lucky enough to not live in a medical desert (at present, unfortunately, I do), most medical costs are covered, except dental and vision.

I am always looking for inexpensive solutions for day-to-day living in France. I will pass on tips as I find them, though that can be as quixotic as an untrained pig hunting for truffles. 

Photo by Jade Marchand on Unsplash

Did you enjoy this article? TAIP is 100% reader-supported through tipping. If you want to leave us a tip of any amount it would be highly appreciated. These tips help support our efforts to keep TAIP an ad-free environment. Just as at a cafe, the tips are split evenly among the team.

a bookshelf of english and french books

Raising Children — Bilingually? Part 2

Note from the editor: If you haven’t already, be sure to read Raising Children — Bilingually? Part 1 before jumping into Part 2. — MS

Bilingual Native-Language Acquisition

Children who are brought up bilingually will acquire two native languages according to the same processes as children who acquire language in a monolingual environment. 

All children, whether they are brought up in monolingual or bilingual situations acquire language passing through the one-word and two-word stages as they build up language proficiency. However, bilinguals must learn to distinguish between two different streams of language and then develop their language accordingly. 

Whether due to early non-discrimination or to the difficulty of acquiring first words, children in the early one-word sentence stage in a bilingual situation will use either language without differentiation according to whom they are speaking. This is comparable to monolingual language acquisition, where children do not acquire synonyms immediately, sometimes hypothesized as a measure of efficiency in the language acquisition process.  At about the same time as when monolinguals start using synonyms, the bilingually-raised child then begins to use equivalents separately. This means that there should be no fear of a child’s ultimately “mixing” languages as long as caretakers specifically take heed not to mix languages themselves. What children hear, they imitate. 

Brain Studies and Cognition

Studies of brain functioning in bilinguals have been and are still being carried out extensively. After much research into language competence, it is generally accepted that bilinguals have a single, integrated language system. 

Also, “language and cognition may not be processed separately in the brain; instead they interact with and facilitate each other… Bilingualism appears to be associated with more effective cognitive control, particularly with executive control and executive function (EF) abilities.” (Higby et al.)

Experience with two languages tends to lead to greater cognitive efficiency. Bain has carried out a longitudinal study comparing two bilingual children and two monolingual children using cognitive testing as set up by Piaget and Vygotsky, He concludes that the bilingual brain is a better tool for learning. 

Children learning two languages from infancy are not impaired cognitively or academically. It may even be possible to conclude that bilinguals have superior language skills as well as other cognitive abilities as compared to those of monolinguals. For example, it seems the tendency for bilinguals to be better in mathematics than monolinguals might be due to their having learned to handle abstraction from an early age. For a monolingual, the object “bed” and the word /bed/ are bound together such that the word is the thing. Piaget once asked five-year-olds to give him a long word, and many of them answered “train.” On the other hand, a bilingual has learned that the object can be called either /bed/ or /li/; words, which are abstractions, are thus separate from the objects they designate. 

Code-Switching and Interference

That a bilingual’s two languages co-mingle in a single language system where both languages remain continually activated implies possible alternation between the two languages. One language needs to be inhibited when speaking in a context where the other language is being used. This imperfect separation leads to code-switching when bilinguals speak among themselves or to interference when speaking in a monolingual situation. The former refers to using elements of a different language within the speech stream of the language in which an exchange is taking place. In this case, these elements are not affected by the host language. “Interference” is the transference of elements of one language to another at various levels, namely phonological, grammatical, lexical, and orthographical. In this case, the foreign elements are modified to fit the host language (Amenorvi). Alternation in the case of code-switching is considered to be positive as it often refers to language choice; however, interference is viewed as negative as it is often involuntary.

The abundant code-switching observed in conversation between and among bilinguals has led to the recently developed concept of “translanguaging” whereby bilinguals express themselves across languages to best communicate nuances that may not exist in both languages. 

Bilingual communication may lead to what is referred to as “negotiation of language” whereby each participant tends to pull exchanges toward their preferred language. This can often be observed between children preferring to speak in the majority language as they converse with a parent or grandparent whose preference is the minority language. Often when my son came home from French public school, totally immersed in French, he immediately began telling me about his day in French. Pulled in this direction I found myself responding in French until at some point I had difficulty making my ideas clear in this language and wondered why I was even trying to do so. I then switched to English, pulling him in that linguistic direction.

Life-long Bilingualism

As bilinguals grow older their language experiences modify their language use. Language dominance may change over time, as they use one language more than another. They may learn other languages, or they may lose some ability in one of their languages, known as language attrition. Language dominance and attrition are dependent on language exposure and can evolve: more exposure at a given time will improve language ability, reduced exposure can lead to more or less attrition. Losing some vocabulary, for example, in a native language that is not being used, is not unusual and not to be worried about. Increased exposure would bring renewed competence. 

More and more research is being carried out on the relationship between bilingualism and dementia. It would seem that “actively using two languages seems to have a protective effect against age-related dementia.” The lifelong usage of two languages contributes to neuroplasticity and has been shown to delay cognitive decline “with a delayed age at onset of dementia” (Kamenetz). Furthermore, older bilingual adults are better able to cope with the pathology of neurodegeneration. One study shows that should bilinguals with dementia present greater neurodegeneration, their cognitive performance remains comparable to monolinguals with dementia. The hypothesis is that “Bilingualism recruits alternative brain networks to compensate for those that become damaged during aging and dementia (Marian and Shook, 2012). There would then exist a greater cognitive reserve to enhance brain functioning during aging. 

Some Anecdotes

I was very strict in my use of English until my son became much older and we fell into code-switching modes. When visiting friends, I even read French-language children’s books to him in English, at least until the simultaneous translation became too difficult. Once, friends remarked, “We didn’t know we had English books in the house.”

When bicycling in Finland with my two-year-old, and not keeping very regular meal hours, one day my son called out, “Mommy. Eat, mange.” Clearly, he was using every linguistic tool in his possession to cry out his hunger. It was definitely time for lunch. 

Once, when chatting with my neighbors, my three-year-old turned to me and asked, “Can I go to Maryse’s?” I said, “Ask Maryse.” He then turned to her and asked, “Je peux venir chez toi?” After her responding, “Oui,” he turned back to me saying, “She said ‘yes’.” 

When coming home from kindergarten with my son one day, we stopped at a Chinese take-out to get lunch. As the server prepared our dishes, she complimented my son on his bilingualism. I immediately asked her what language she spoke with her own little boy I had seen behind the counter. Looking down and hiding her face she responded, “Mandarin,” as if she were ashamed. I immediately launched into compliments on how wonderful she was to speak to him in Mandarin and the fantastic effects on the brain of being brought up in two such different languages. By the time our food was ready, she was standing much straighter and smiling broadly.   

If any of a child’s caretakers speak a native language other than French in this country, I implore you to speak with them and play with them in your own native language. It can only serve them well.

Photo of our bilingual bookshelf.

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mini american and french flags in a cup on a wooden table

US Taxes for Americans Living in France

Note from the editor: One of our most asked questions here at TAIP is: how do I file my taxes as an American expat in France? Do you have any accountant recommendations? As such, I’ve made it a goal to come into contact with some reputable CPAs. Universal Tax Professionals specializes in US taxes for Americans living abroad. Josh Katz, CPA and Founder of UTP shared this very helpful overview of everything you need to know about filing as an expat in France, as well as ways UTP may be able to help. — MS

For Americans living in France, the issue of taxes can seem complex, as they need to address both French and US tax obligations. While living abroad provides many opportunities, it does not absolve US citizens from filing and paying US taxes. The US operates on a citizenship-based taxation system, meaning Americans must file a tax return annually, no matter where they live. 

Who Needs to File US Taxes?

All US citizens and Green Card holders living abroad must file a US tax return if they meet the below income thresholds:

  • $13,850 for single filers
  • $27,700 for married filing jointly
  • $5 for married filing separately
  • $20,800 for head of household
  • $400 for self-employed

This means if your worldwide income, including earnings from French sources, exceeds these amounts, you must file a US tax return, regardless of where you live.

Foreign Earned Income Exclusion (FEIE)

To reduce the burden of double taxation, the Foreign Earned Income Exclusion (FEIE) allows Americans living abroad to exclude a certain amount of their foreign-earned income from US taxation. For the 2023 tax year, this amount is $120,000. To qualify for this exclusion, you must pass either the Bona Fide Residence Test or the Physical Presence Test.

  • Bona Fide Residence Test: You must reside in a foreign country for an uninterrupted period that includes a full tax year
  • Physical Presence Test: You need to be physically present in a foreign country for at least 330 full days in any consecutive 12-month period

Foreign Tax Credit (FTC)

In addition to FEIE, US expats in France can also claim the Foreign Tax Credit (FTC). This credit allows you to offset taxes paid to the French government against your US tax liability. If you pay taxes in France, you may be able to avoid double taxation on the same income by claiming the FTC.

For instance, if you’re employed in France and pay French income taxes, the amount of tax you pay to the French government can be credited against the US taxes you owe. This credit applies to income, dividend, and interest taxes but not to social security contributions.

Reporting Foreign Bank Accounts: FBAR

If you have a foreign bank account, including accounts held at French banks, you may need to report this to the US government. The Foreign Bank Account Report (FBAR) is required if the total value of all your foreign financial accounts exceeds $10,000 at any point during the year. The FBAR must be filed electronically with the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) by April 15 each year, though an automatic extension to October 15 is available.

FATCA Reporting

The Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act (FATCA) requires US expats to report their foreign assets if they exceed certain thresholds. For US taxpayers living abroad, the threshold is $200,000 for single filers and $400,000 for joint filers at the end of the year. This includes bank accounts, investment accounts, and other financial assets held in France.

FATCA reporting is done through Form 8938, which must be included with your US tax return.

Self-Employment Taxes

If you’re self-employed in France, you must pay US self-employment taxes, which cover Social Security and Medicare. The US self-employment tax rate is 15.3% of your net income. However, if you’re covered by the French social security system, the US-France Totalization Agreement can help you avoid paying social security taxes in both countries.

Under this agreement, if you contribute to the French social security system, you won’t be required to pay US self-employment taxes. However, you’ll still need to file your US tax return and report your income.

Double Taxation and the US-France Tax Treaty

The US-France Tax Treaty helps avoid double taxation by providing rules for which country has the right to tax specific types of income. For example, the treaty outlines how pensions, investment income, and wages should be taxed to prevent them from being taxed by both the US and France.

Understanding how the treaty applies to your situation is crucial, as it can affect your tax liability in both countries. 

Deadlines and Extensions

For Americans living abroad, the US tax filing deadline is June 15 — an automatic two-month extension beyond the standard April 15 deadline. However, if you owe any taxes, interest will still accrue from the April deadline. If you need more time, you can request an extension until October 15, but you must submit Form 4868 to do so.

Streamlined Filing Compliance Procedures

If you’ve fallen behind on your US tax filings while living in France, you may be able to catch up without facing penalties through the Streamlined Filing Compliance Procedures. This program is designed for expats who have not filed their tax returns due to non-willful neglect. To use the program, you must file three years of back taxes and six years of FBARs, along with a statement explaining your non-compliance.

How a Tax Professional Can Help with Your US Taxes

Handling US taxes while living in France can be challenging, especially with the complexity of filing requirements, credits, and exclusions available to expats. Working with a tax professional means you won’t have to worry about missing deadlines, filling out complicated forms, or determining whether you qualify for certain credits. They can help simplify the process and reduce the risk of penalties or overpayment.

Universal Tax Professionals has been offering tailored tax services to American expats in France for over ten years. Our experienced team specializes in US expat tax preparation, ensuring that you comply with US tax laws and maximize the credits and exclusions available to you. Whether you need help filing back taxes, claiming the right deductions, or understanding complex reporting requirements, UTP provides personalized support. Reach out to schedule a consultation today and let our team take the stress out of your US tax filing while living in France.

Photo by The Now Time on Unsplash

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two wedges of cheese and scrabble pieces spelling out cheese and fromage

Raising Children — Bilingually? Part 1

Language choices in a mixed native-language family or one whose native language(s) is not that of the majority culture surrounding them

 

New country, new language, and maybe new family? Language, then, becomes an important issue. When two people get together they fall into what is a comfortable language of communication. However, when children come along, linguistic decisions, what is referred to now as Family Language Policy, need to be made as to their all-important language acquisition.

Some of the important questions to help plan for children’s linguistic upbringing include:

  • What language(s) do the parents speak together where French is the majority language of this relatively monolingual country?
  • What are their native languages?
  • Does one of them speak their native language when they are together?
  • Or do they speak a language of communication that is the native language of neither of them?
  • How well do they speak the majority language?
  • How important is it that the children learn each of the parents’ own native language?
  • And thus, what language(s) will the children be brought up with, and how? 

If at least one of the parents, or grandparents does not speak the majority language as a native speaker, the question of raising children bilingually is brought to the fore. 

Having carried out my thesis on child bilingualism and raising my son to be bilingual such that he has two native languages, this article is a continuation of my decades-long crusade to raise children bilingually in France because bilingualism matters.

Bilingualism as a Native Language

Long before Ronjat’s (the grandfather of child bilingualism) 1913 publication of Le Developpement du Langage Observé chez un Enfant Bilingue he had asked his own professor how to raise a child bilingually. The answer, which was “one person, one language,” has been the recommendation for parents ever since.

“Never switch roles. In this manner they will begin to speak two languages without noticing it and without having to put forth any special effort in learning them” (In: Bain Bruce 1996, p. 177). 

Although there has been some controversy on the subject, it remains that children need to anchor, in some way, a separation of the languages they are learning. Obviously, this differentiation will be inherent in their linguistic environment. For example, one caretaker might speak the majority language (the language of the community outside the home) and the other the minority language (a language different from that of the outside community). There should be no mixing in the caretakers’ language(s) so that the child will learn to keep the languages separate, even though language itself is learned as a whole. 

Raising Children Bilingually in a Monolingual Environment

Until recently, and somewhat even still, the typical attitude in France toward bilingualism (in spite of Ronjat) has been “Against.”

As of 30 years ago and much further in the past at least in the 70’s, when I was writing my thesis, how often was it said that children being brought up bilingually never learn their two languages well, that a second language would negatively affect the child’s French?

Of course, this was all hearsay in a language-political context where the French were defending their language against English as the language of communication. I remember when a very respected researcher in language acquisition, a friend of mine and a direct student of Piaget’s, said when my son was born, “Bilingualism doesn’t really exist.” I did not rise to the argument, but then what will we call it when people speak more than one language fluently? Obviously, she was thinking in terms of perfection; but then, how many monolinguals speak their (only!) language ‘perfectly’? The most widely used definition for bilingualism is Grosjean’s: “bilingualism is the use of two or more languages… in everyday life.” 

In fact, globally, there are more bilingual situations than monolingual ones, typically where in a country more than one language is spoken. This means that France is an exception rather than a rule. And then, when we think of France’s colonization in Africa, it was never asked whether it was good for children to learn French in addition to their heritage language. It was taken for granted that learning French could only be good for them. As Bain suggests, the results of research concerning whether bilingualism is positive or negative can be politically and ideologically motivated.

Language Ability

The question of children’s ability in their two languages is more complex than what has been suggested above.  Bilinguals are not just two monolinguals put together. Their ability in the two languages is rarely equal. Only exceptionally are children what I have heard called “perfectly bilingual,” sometimes called “balanced bilinguals” and which is what Valdes calls “mythical bilinguals.” Typically we will speak of a dominant language, the language the child is most proficient in, and the non-dominant, or weaker language. And even in this case, a bilingual can be more proficient in one context in one language and another context in the other language. 

Bilingualism is not just a question of Linguistics; Sociology and Psychology are also important factors in its development. From a sociological point of view, it is easier to raise a child bilingually French-English in France than, let’s say French-Arabic or French-Swahili. English is considered an “important” language and is encouraged in discrete ways. For example, I have had people stop me in the street with my three-year-old and say how wonderful it was that he would be bilingual.

On the other hand, I have never seen (nor have my students when I asked) people stopping in the street to compliment a mother speaking Arabic, Bambara, or Hindu. On the one hand, the child is receptive to compliments on their language ability, and on the other, parents are discouraged by school teachers to speak a language other than French to their children, especially when it is non-occidental European. And even for English, I was sometimes told to speak French to my child. No way would I listen; furthermore, I would give the person a half-hour lecture on child bilingualism. No one ever made the same suggestion twice. 

Sometimes children, however, refuse the minority language. Typically they are influenced by those around them and do not want to feel “different” from others, or rejected for the home language they might speak. In this case, the recommended course is to stubbornly continue to speak the minority language with the child even when they refuse to answer in that language. This creates what is called “passive bilingualism,” where the child understands but cannot/does not speak the language. The best way to improve competence in the minority language,  and to help the child to become an active speaker, is to take the child to a country where the minority language is spoken as the majority language. What typically happens then, is that the child will pick up the language very quickly, in fact in as little as a few weeks. 

Otherwise, it is important to try to bring the child in contact with people other than the parent who speaks the minority language. Reading to the child in the minority language is very important for language learning. Videos, too, help the child to advance their minority-language learning.

Stay tuned for Part 2, in which doli will cover how age, the brain, and cognition play a role in raising children bilingually.

Photo taken of arguably one of the most important words in French and English.

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My Journey to France Part 2

In case you missed Part 1, I’m sharing my unique journey from I’ll-never-live-abroad to nearly-10-years-in-France-and-counting. 

I’m often asked how I did it — and while several of my articles on TAIP touch on how I’ve been able to stay, I wanted to write it all out in a way that could be copied by anyone reading. Okay, maybe not anyone. It took a lot of hard work to build my life here in France, and it isn’t over yet. I’ll be starting my journey to citizenship next, which promises to be full of paperwork and even more determination.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Below I’m picking up where I left off on Part 2: I was an au pair, didn’t want to continue on as an au pair, but didn’t want to go back to the US just yet. Here’s how I figured out a way to stay.

Back to School, It Is

I was always one of those people who said, “Never again!” after finishing my undergrad. It wasn’t that I didn’t like school — on the contrary, I’ve always enjoyed learning — but I was sick of papers and tests and all of the other coursework that went along with it.

Famous last words. As I finished up my second year as an au pair, I didn’t have many options other than the easy-to-obtain student visa. I decided I wanted to get my master’s degree. Public education is cheap here and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. This time, however, I was going to study something I was actually interested in, not something that would lead to a job one day.

I settled on French Literature. I’ve always loved reading and writing and I figured I might as well study the greats while I was in the city where many of them worked and lived. The only wrench in my plan? I still, after 2.5 years, could not speak or read French. In my defense, I came over here only knowing the basics, and as an American au pair, I was required to speak English with the children I took care of. At this point, I knew could understand about 75% of what was said to me, but I couldn’t speak back. It was a combination of a lack of vocabulary and confidence.

What’s more, I knew I wanted to go to a public school (again, cheap), and to do so as a foreigner I had to have a certain level of French, with a certificate to prove it. So, I looked around for some programs that would meet the student visa requirement of 20 hours per week. I found two: one at the famous La Sorbonne and one at the also famous Université Nanterre. I missed the deadline for La Sorbonne so that left me with Nanterre.

I applied, got in, looked for housing (and found the deal of a lifetime: I traded 10 hours of English lessons per week for a 9m2 sardine box in the sky), went back to America for a few weeks, got my student visa, and returned to home to Paris. Back to school, I went.

(Finally) Learning the Language

And so began my year-long journey to learning French. I loved my program — and recommend it to anyone who wants to live here long-term — I was the only Anglophone and so the only common language my classmates and I had was (broken) French. Our teachers also insisted that we speak in French instead of our native language. It was difficult, but it also felt like the best place to do it. Everyone had an accent, and everyone was trying to learn.

I met some very kind people, finally learned French, and also discovered more about French culture. We went on field trips in Paris and the Île-de-France region and ultimately all became quite close. Spending 20+ hours per week together will do that.

With my B2 certificate in hand, I was finally ready to apply for my master’s. I still wanted to study French Literature, and so started to look at those kinds of programs. I had a couple of informational interviews at various universities in town, before sitting down with one guidance counselor in particular. 

She looked over my resume and experiences and asked why I didn’t want to study English Literature instead of French. At this point, I had started dabbling in freelance writing and had indicated that on my CV, and well…the whole “native English speaker” thing. I told her it felt silly to come all the way to France only to study English. Mais non! she assured me, and encouraged me to look into English Literature programs instead.

The meeting piqued my interest, and soon the curse of the missed deadline struck again — but it was for the best. Nanterre University, where I completed my French course, had a bilingual English Literature master’s program. Because I was already in their system, it was very easy to apply. I was accepted almost immediately (again, native English speaker), paid my tuition (400 € for the year), and began.

I loved my teachers, loved my program, and bonded with my peers. No, I never wanted to go back to school, but completing my master’s at a French public university was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. I’ll never regret it. 

But Wait, I Don’t Want to Leave

After my two-year program, spoiler alert, I still wasn’t ready to go home. I met my now-husband about halfway through year one and things had gotten very serious very quickly, in true French dating fashion. We were making serious plans for the future. But…what about my visa?

I obtained the APS visa, which gives you a year to look for work after you graduate from a French institution. I did look for a job but I knew I wanted to work in English (even to this day I can’t write in French beyond simply texting), and finding a job that aligned with that was difficult. I had no issue finding Anglophone clients, but there wasn’t a need for full-time English writers in Paris — or at least, the jobs that I found didn’t pay very well.

The APS visa was quickly running out, so what’s a girl in a relationship with a French person to do? The marriage conversation happens. I’m lucky that I was with someone who I knew I wanted to spend my life with, visa issue or not. So, we made plans to quickly marry at the town hall so that I could obtain the vie privée et familiale visa.

Long story short, I did get that visa and so my future in France was secured for life. I’m not saying that everyone needs to meet a French person and marry them in order to stay here (indeed, there’s an entire shady trade in this which we may write about in the future) — there are a lot of other options out there including the profession libérale visa, or even a long-stay visitor visa if citizenship isn’t important — but in my unique situation, my husband is the reason I was allowed to stay.

That’s the gist of it — a couple thousand words on my journey to France. I hope it will serve as inspiration for anyone else who may find themselves thinking, but wait, I don’t want to leave too.

Photo by Salomé Watel on Unsplash

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France and the US

In Between Two Cultures: My Life as an American in France

There are those who expatriate for a determined amount of time for their work. Others decide to definitively expatriate for various reasons of their own.  And others just drift into expatriation. Some expats return to their original country; others stay on, and so on. Expatriation is not lived as a fixed state of mind. Attitudes will change as the out-of-original-country time period lengthens. 

Once upon a time, more than half a century ago, I came to France on a whim. No expectations, just a quest for a change in experience. Pete Seeger’s “Little Boxes” was not for me. Then, somehow I did not make it back to the USA for more than occasional visits from one side of the year 2000 to the other.  Given such a stretch of time, my expat experience could only evolve. 

At first, there was no question of being an expat; I was just here. And I always felt that if things got rough, I could always go back. Little did I know about the point of no-return.

In my family if you don’t know what to do with your life, you study. So I got a DEUG (the title of a 2-year degree at the time). Of course, as my stay in France lengthened, my parents wanted me back in the US. They resorted to the tough love approach of cutting me off financially. So I had to find a job. At the time, all the language schools were vying for native speakers as English teachers and I easily got jobs, even with little experience. As I finished my DEUG and still did not know what to do, I studied for a License, then a Master’s and a Doctorate. 

By this time I had developed a career as an English teacher and had slid into “expathood.” Going to the States was no longer a re-turn, but a turn. I had somehow unknowingly passed that point of no-return. Leaving France for the US or anywhere else presented the same difficulties: I would have to start a new life, make friends, find a job, housing…culture-shock in a new country, or return culture shock to an old one would be in the works.

It was too hard to go back, and not worth the bother. I was too lazy to go off to another country; I stayed on in France and made my life as an expat, but, staying in France for the duration necessarily involves adapting to different habits, attitudes, thinking. This begins by learning the language with its specific concepts of the world, e.g. the difficulty of translating the difference between gourmet and gourmand into English, and how it carves up the reality of the world, e.g. where in French an “armchair” (fauteuil) is not categorized as a “chair” (chaise). And more hazy rules and customs concerning personal space, time, body language…

Long-term living in another country necessarily changes one’s point of view and thinking about what had been culturally invisible (cf. Raymonde Carroll Cultural Misunderstandings translated from the original French Evidence Invisibles.) Knowing only one culture is like being a fish in water: it does not know it is surrounded by water. To analyze one’s own culture there must be a point of comparison/contrast with another. 

An expat comes to metaphorically sit up high on a theoretical fence looking down, where one’s original culture is on one side and the adopted culture on the other, espying the differences.

Leaving one’s country of origin for another brings up the questions of “home” and of identity. Tony Morrison’s book, Home treats the question of defining “home.” Is it a geographical location? if so, where? Is it where one has grown up, but a place that has been taken over by others where one cannot go back? Is it another place where one has been? Is it people? Is it a question of belonging?

These are the same questions an expat needs to answer to define “home.” Is it where one was brought up or where one is living at the moment? And how long has the moment lasted? Where is this person referring to when s/he says, ‘I’m going home.” 

As to the question of “identity” how does the expat identify his/herself? 

Interestingly, I still identify mainly as American, except when I am in the US! In fact, I identify by difference from whichever of the two countries I happen to be situated in at a specific moment. On the other hand, I identify with either culture when I am neither in the US or France, depending on mood, feeling, or convenience. For example, when in the Casbah of Istanbul, I was asked where I was from and answered, “France.” The merchant heard my accent, took one look at me and answered, “You’re French the same way I’m French!” I laughed in agreement and acquiesced.

In fact, the United States is my reference, but no longer my home. When someone in France speaks about walking dogs, customer service, schools, etc…I often answer with, “But in America …”

And then, if one has lived in a “new” country long enough to become a citizen of that country, can this person still be called an “expat”? They are living in the country of (one of) their citizenship(s). And if they have children born in this country, the children might have double nationality, but they are certainly not expats.  It would seem by this time the expat is no longer, but is rather a former expat gone native. I prefer the term bi-cultural.

What does it mean to be bi-cultural? What does it mean for a child to be brought up bi-culturally?  This makes for some interesting encounters, for example, in a restaurant when a waiter, wanting to be friendly and hearing my son & I speaking in English asks where WE are from. Mother & son are not FROM the same place. I’m American, but he’s French-born.

A bi-cultural is no longer either/or, but a mixture of both. How much of one, and how much of the other depends on how attached one is feeling toward one culture or the other.

After a recent long and arduous trip back to the suburbs of Chicago for a funeral, as we got close to my parents’ home, my son suddenly turned to me saying, “Mom, I’m confused.” In no state to respond, I asked, “What are you confused about?” And he replied, “When I am in France people say I’m American. When I’m in America, people say I am French. I don’t know what I am.” My immediate reply was that no one decides who you are. You decide for yourself. Secondly, it does not need to be all or nothing. It can be 50/50, 60/40, 70/30…and as I think about it now, it can even change over time.

The bi-cultural is aware of differences between their cultures and can conform with one or the other depending on where they are and who they are with. They perceive the best and the worst, as well as what is in-between, and in the end, they identify with both, to some extent. 

Thus, over time, the expat assimilates customs and mores of the second culture, metamorphosing into a bi-cultural butterfly.

Did you enjoy this article? TAIP is 100% reader-supported through tipping. If you want to leave us a tip of any amount it would be highly appreciated. These tips help support our efforts to keep TAIP an ad-free environment. Just as at a cafe, the tips are split evenly among the team.