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The Mindset Shifts That Helped Me Learn French Faster

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Way back in 2014, I moved to France with little more than a couple of suitcases, a dream of living in Europe, and about three words of French. When I first stepped foot off the plane, I had no idea how hard — and how rewarding — learning the language would be. The rewarding piece is important. Learning and then mastering French as an adult is truly one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.

As I went along, something I quickly realized was that my success wouldn’t just come from memorizing vocabulary or drilling myself with grammar quizzes.

It would come from changing how I approached the entire process. 

Here are the mindset shifts that actually improved and then accelerated my French that I hope can help you too.

1. I Embraced Embarrassment Instead of Fearing It

If you’re not new here, you’ve heard me say this about a million times: I’m shy! Even in English, my native language, I tend to lean more towards the reserved side of the spectrum. I used to fight against it, but now I embrace it. Just like I embraced being embarrassed by my French level instead of being afraid to even try. 

When I first arrived, almost every conversation ended in confusion or blank stares — mostly on my end. I got used to pretending to listen and then making an educated guess based on the person in front of me’s body language to determine whether I should respond with a half-hearted oui or non. It worked out about half the time.

Something that really helped me was the French as a foreign language program I took at Nanterre. It was enough coursework to qualify for the student visa, and I was able to learn French with peers at the same level as me. This opened up a whole new world of possibilities because I was no longer ashamed to try and practice — two crucial aspects of learning a new language.

I was always so embarrassed by my accent, but the truth is most French speakers find it charmant and I’ve also started leaning into that, 10+ years on.

2. I Prioritized Progress over Perfection

This is another aspect of learning French that was very difficult for me. I’m a self-proclaimed perfectionist, and honestly? You just can’t hold on to that when learning a new language, skill, or anything else you’ve never done before. If you wait for perfection, you’ll be waiting forever.

So, the next mindset shift involved me pushing perfectionism out of the way so I could keep trying — and be okay with making mistakes as I went along. One of my first big wins in France wasn’t making a flawless speech in front of a room of French speakers. It was being able to order a meal without stumbling over my words, accent or not. It didn’t matter that I may have gotten a verb tense wrong. What mattered was that I was actually communicating in French.

I started telling myself that as long as the person in front of me understood the gist of what I was trying to say, I was making progress. I have to laugh when I think back to some of the very kind people who just let me go on and on, even if I was using the wrong words or conjugations. This shift kept me moving forward even when my French was nowhere near “perfect.”

3. I Leaned into Feeling Uncomfortable

This mindset shift can really apply to the entire experience of moving to a foreign country where I knew no one and didn’t speak the language. And while yes, being uncomfortable most of the time wasn’t always great, the feeling I got on the other side of that was incredible.

My belief is that putting yourself in places outside of your comfort zone will only help you grow. The first time I ever left the US to do my semester abroad was a little scary at first, but the experience went on to change my entire life — something that would have never happened if I stayed in my hometown.

In those early days, every time I spoke French with actual French speakers, I felt super uncomfortable. Is everyone staring at me? Did I use the right verb there? Is my accent so heinous that everyone is trying not to laugh? Of course, thoughts like those crossed my mind, but I had to ignore them to improve.

Straining to pay attention to a conversation is uncomfortable. Making mental notes to remember what to respond is uncomfortable. Not being able to find the word you’re looking for is uncomfortable. Sitting there as everyone easily converses around you while you’re still stuck on something that was said 10 minutes ago… is uncomfortable.

But, I had to go through these moments to learn French. And the good news? I did it. I started feeling much more comfortable after that intensive year of French courses at Nanterre, which, when all said and done, at the end of that, I had already been in France for 3.5 years.

So, yes, it can take time. But, I went over knowing nothing and my first few years were spent in an English-speaking bubble. As soon as I made the commitment to myself to actually study, I saw improvement within just a few months.

And today, 10+ years after touching down to live in France, I can confidently say that I am a French speaker. My husband and I only communicate in French, same with all of my in-laws. Most of my French friends like to try out their English with me, so we end up speaking in a funny franglish or franglais when we’re together, but I get plenty of practice with them too.

I’m able to navigate different accents, converse on a variety of topics, read a French novel, and take care of all of my paperwork myself. Some of that is thanks to years of practice and effort, but a lot of it is also due to the mindset shifts that had to happen in order to improve.

Listen. If I can learn French, anyone can — prove me wrong.

Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

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The Myth of “Fluency”

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Americans abroad sometimes beat ourselves up — often on behalf of our fellow countrymen — other times because of our own perceived shortcomings.  One of these is the famous lie: “Well everyone in Europe speaks at least 2-3 languages fluently.”  I’ve found this to be mostly a myth, for any number of reasons.

It is true that Europeans take up a 2nd and sometimes even a 3rd language outside of the language that they speak at home.  But Europeans are humans, like the rest of us, and fluency is like anything — once attained, it must be maintained.

On the ferry from Morocco back to Spain some years ago I struck up a conversation with a Danish family.  We talked about socialized health care (Obamacare was much in the news at the time) and came on to education.  “What is she learning as her third language?” I queried.  “German.”  I was surprised — I know they are geographically proximate but German is really only spoken in a couple of countries.  I didn’t want to ask why so I simply asked how she was doing.  “Ask her,” the father smiled.

“How’s your German?” I asked the 11-year-old.  She answered haltingly in her 2nd tongue, English: “I…it’s okay.”  “Do you practice with your friends who are also learning German?”  “No,” she admitted honestly, making a face that betrayed only slight shame, almost as if to say that practicing a non-native tongue with friends learning that same non-native tongue would be unusual.

Fluency, strictly speaking, is the ability to converse quickly and at a high level, within a language.  Fluency comprehends a large vocabulary, appreciates and can deliver puns, and has fun with wordplay.  It also has the ability to engage in high-level discussions — say about the existence of God or the start of the universe.  I would never call someone fluent in a language who kept asking me the word for “planet” or “cosmos” or “uncaused cause.”

I might call them conversational — those who can express themselves enough to order food, ask for directions or talk about basics about themselves.  Sometimes this brings with it a semi-literacy — an ability to read signs and some announcements, but not enough to read an editorial in the local newspaper.

My most recent trip to Vienna left me with a few new friends, one of which was now a teacher in Vienna who confessed to me during our 30 km bike tour of the city that he had learned Italian and English in school but had lost them both.  I told him quite emphatically that his English was very impressive despite his not being a regular speaker.

While a big part of my mission during my time in France has been to attain fluency in this language, I have over the years come to appreciate even knowing a few words in any language.  The doors to another culture can open themselves so widely in just a few words.  We talked about the fact that the ß (eszett) in German is not often used.  “Indeed,” he replied, “the Swiss use a double s in its place.”  This is true, the Swiss are quite practical.  They use septante and huitante and nonante to denote 70, 80, and 90, respectively.  What do the French use?  soixante-dix (60 and 10, literally), quatre-vingt (four twentys, seriously), and quatre-vingt-dix (yup, four 20s and a 10, like you’re counting out change).

What I mean to get at is if you cannot attain fluency in a second language (or a third, etc.), don’t beat yourself up.  Many claim fluency in a second language, but what they mean is that they are conversational.  Someone who can seamlessly transition from language to language, preserving an accent native to that language, is rare.  And they are probably in diplomatic work.  The rest of us make do with “comment dit-ton” until we can get there.  And hey — what’s the harm in working on fluency in your native tongue?  I daresay we’d see better grammar and spelling in our business and personal emails if we put that effort in! 🙂

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