To be honest, I never really thought much about my relationship with time. Until I moved to France and realized just how differently they approach it in terms of, well, almost everything.
Things that have become normalized in the US, like eating lunch at your desk, sandwich in one hand, typing away with the other, working multiple jobs to make sure I had some cash to enjoy the little time off I had, squeezing in dinner before a workout, falling into bed at night from pure exhaustion… the list could go on and on.
The addiction to the hustle and “being busy” is very real in the States. Not to say I didn’t have to hustle a little to live in France (in fact, it’s how I met Stephen originally), there’s no denying that life moves at a much faster pace for the average American compared to the average French person.
When I moved to France, suddenly I was living in a country where “urgent” rarely means what you think it does, where many shops close for lunch, and where a vacation is treated as sacred, not optional. My busy American brain didn’t know what to do with this at first, but I got used to it very quickly, and ultimately learned to absolutely adore it.
This slower pace of life is something Stephen and I talk a lot about on our YouTube channel — it seems to come up time and time again. While some aspects certainly took getting used to, we both agree how refreshing it was to have more time and space in our lives… without feeling guilty about it.
Slowing Down, Whether You Want To or Not
One of my very first culture shocks was the fact that most shops and stores are closed on Sundays, even in a massive city like Paris. Now, that has changed a bit, and nowadays you’ll be able to find at least a grocery store or two open. But it’s nothing like in the US, where things seem to be open 24/7, or at least seven days a week.
In Paris, there aren’t many shops that close for lunch, but in smaller places (even Bordeaux, which is still a pretty major city for France standards), you’ll be hard pressed to find a pharmacy or boutique open from noon to 2pm.
Not to mention the whole country seemingly shutting down for the entire month of August. I remember being in a panic one fateful summer, when I was waiting for a very important piece of administrative documentation needed for an upcoming student visa I had to apply for. The offices at the school were closed promptly at 4pm on July 31 and I unfortunately did not have the forethought to go pick up my paperwork before then. I had my visa appointment in mid-August and quickly began to panic.
Shockingly, when I explained the issue back at the Boston consulate, they totally understood and ended up issuing my visa anyway, thanks to a few other key pieces of paperwork I did manage to get my hands on. I do NOT recommend trying to do the same, but it just goes to show that not being able to get anything administrative done in August is a cultural and accepted norm in France.
My shift toward this new concept of time didn’t happen overnight and it was extremely frustrating at first. But slowly, I got used to it and even began to lean into it myself.
Learning to ‘Be’ in a Culture That Values ‘Being’
Everything takes more time in France and they like it that way. A two-hour dinner isn’t a luxury, it’s normal. Even average, weekday dinners at my in-laws are often at least one hour long. They do not rush through meals, and it’s something I personally love about the culture.
Weekends are for friends, relaxing, long walks, and markets. Sundays are for staying at home. And five weeks of paid vacation isn’t a perk or “benefit,” it’s your right. Coffee dates aren’t 20-30 minutes long, they often span over several hours and may even turn into a meal if you time it right. It’s better to take the scenic route. It’s okay to just… sit.
There’s less competition in France too, which I think influences this attitude of “it’s okay to take your time.” I don’t think all Americans are competitive in nature, but it’s so ingrained in our culture that we don’t see the little ways it affects our everyday lives. It’s also worth noting that France is not a capitalist country. Now, if you talk to most French people, they’ll say that this is changing (no thanks to American influence), but it still is nothing compared to the consumerism-obsessed États-Unis.
As someone who grew up in the US, it’s so, so refreshing.
Now that my French husband and I are back in the States (for now), I won’t lie: it’s been difficult to keep the slow-paced French lifestyle here. There are just so many more pressures. Pressures to earn more because the cost of living, at least in our situation, is four times what it cost us to live in Paris. Pressures to have the latest and greatest car/gadget/home/clothing/electronic/etc. Pressures to keep up with everyone else around us.
But, ultimately, I am so glad to be back here with my husband because he often reminds me to slow down and lean back into the French way of life. We’re slowly but surely creating our own little pocket of France in our little beach house on the East Coast. And constantly reminding ourselves: ‘more’ doesn’t always mean happier. Because it often doesn’t.
Photo by Eliott Goutard on Unsplash
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