I’ve learned a few lessons during my first 6 months of living in France. Over the past few in particular, I’ve noticed myself starting to adopt mindsets and approaches that inherently go against my cultural grain. To be honest, many things about French life feel more natural to me than my old habits. But like any fish in a new pond, I can still tell the water is different.
Here are a few of the lessons I’m taking with me as I return to the US for the summer.
1. Beauty is important.
The first time I stumbled into the park in my French neighborhood, I was stunned. Not only is it beautifully laid out, complete with a volcanic rock fountain and swans, but it is also incredibly well-kept. The flowers are changed out seasonally; the peacocks in its wildlife preserve are fed and tended to. This kind of beauty requires intentional planning, committed workers, and a generous budget. This is city money we are talking about. The idea of this kind of prioritization of beauty in local government blew my mind.
Voting for beauty with time, effort, and generosity isn’t something reserved for my local park. Thriving flower shops around every other corner remind me that the French will spend their hard-earned money on bringing a little bit of beauty into their home or a friend’s.
2. To be is worth more than to do.
This mindset is particularly put on display when it comes to French business hours. A two-hour lunch break is not uncommon for stores in smaller towns. This is because shop owners are often the ones working in their stores, and there isn’t someone else to take over for them during lunch. What’s more, they figure you (the customer) would like to eat lunch, too. So the pharmacy, the bank, the post office, and the little craft shop on the corner may take a break midday.
To my American mind, the idea of a store not being open continuously almost felt offensive on my arrival. I can happily say that is no longer the case. I see the value in taking a pause and appreciate that this allows shop owners to attend to other matters while offering a smaller overhead for their business.
Though lived in the practical, this cultural foothold can also be seen in French behavior. On a sunny day, it’s normal to see people lying in the grass, sitting on a bench with a book, or walking tranquilly —without the goal of getting steps in. When I think about the idea of seeing someone lying in the grass at a park in my American suburban neighborhood, I would be worried that they weren’t okay. The art of being is something largely lost to the society I was raised in, and I am grateful to have rediscovered my identity as a human being, not as a human-doing, thanks to the French.
3. Conviction is not offensive, it is necessary.
Being convicted of one’s perspective and needs is a part of French society. In customer service situations, it is downright necessary. You can feel the conviction of the French people everywhere. Walking down the street, you’ll hear the young and the old alike use the word franchement (French for frankly) before launching into their perspective on any given subject.
There is a confrontational forwardness present in the culture that is refreshing. The French love to “talk it out” and understand the way that those close to them think. I’ve witnessed many a French conversation that could seem like a heated argument resolve in continued, and strengthened friendship. Having been conditioned to not talk about disagreements as an American, this particularly strikes a chord with my understanding of relationships. In the last six months, I have become more acutely aware of the beauty that comes from hashing things out.
4. Sit down and share.
If you want a drink, you should have it sitting down in the company of others. Water bottles do exist in France, but they are not widely used and are typically smaller than those found in the States. Coffee and tea to go is also a rather recent novelty, that again, is not widely adopted. Beverages and meals are not meant to be consumed quickly, but are rather rituals to facilitate encounters.
My first meal after moving to France was had over a three-hour conversation in a café. And at the end the three hours, I still had to ask for the check. There is an expectation of slowness that provides the space to share not just coffee, nor merely an afternoon, but one’s very life.
5. To do a little very well is better than to do a lot.
This mentality can be found in the art of specialty. Every town in France has at least one artisan for each craft of the table: la formagerie, la boucherie, la chocolaterie, la pâtisserie, and let us not forget the oh-so-essential boulangerie. There is a sacredness to the art of making that is protected culturally. Sure, you can get cheese and meat and bread from the supermarket, and perhaps for a cheaper price, but the best of the best is available for purchase just around the corner from the craftsmen themselves.
This principle is even more evident at the local market. I’ve seen vendors with a singular (massive) wheel of cheese, sharing a piece of their months of work with their community. They’ve mastered one thing, and that’s enough.
To some, the lessons I’ve learned may seem surprisingly simple, or obscenely obvious. My takeaways speak specifically to my experiences here and stateside. Another person in another town would naturally notice other differences according to their cultural palate.
I think if someone had proposed these ideas to me a year ago, I would have assented to them on a mental plane. But as someone raised in suburban America, my agreement would have been colored with a somewhat utilitarian vision of parks, stores and time. I look forward to carrying these ideas into the way I approach my day-to-day living as I continue to be a student of this lovely land.
Photo of the pond in my neighborhood park.
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